Guess who’s back! That’s right - its your old friend Canucklehead with another collection. While every Tom, Dick and Mario can pet together a best list (guilty as charged) - I’ve decided to put together a list of what I see as the absolute worst crap and shovelware currently available for the Wii (thus far). Luckily, there is no shortage - in fact, this list was so easy to put together that I’ve opted to not include downloadable content AND I know I’ve still missed some. So, on top of hiding your wallet when you see the titles below - please let me know what I’ve missed so we can warn the next guy from making the same mistake you did. I’ve decided not to number them as it seems a little — well, cruel, even for me. So, without any further ado, on with the list of craptacularity!
Anubis II: Did I miss the first incarnation of this? More importantly, if so - who thought it would be a good idea to make a second one? This may well be the suckiest suck that ever suckily sucked - and that is saying something! I for one do not want my mummy.
Chicken Shoot: Well, this is hardly surprising. Hey, I’m a Duck Hunt fan myself - and this good sir is no duck hunt. I’m going to go out on a limb here and say this might be popular among the ’short schoolbus’ set. If you shelled out the cash for this rotten egg - well, the yolks on you.
ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: I put this in CAPS only because the makers of this did the same - I assume because it makes it more ‘X-TREME’. Those who thought the movie sucked will quickly realize it was oscar-worthy compared with this nausea-inspiring ‘game’. Look up shovelware in the dictionary and the same picture that appears below will be shown. Remorseful buyers will quickly be yelling “AAALLLLLVVIIIN!”
JUMPER: See above. Keywords: crap, shovelware, buyer’s remorse. Then subtract Alvin and add what’s-his-face. The umm, Jumper guy — okay, so I never saw the movie or played the game, but I heard things. These things were not good - no, in fact — bad. Very bad things. Next!
GT Pro Series: Rarely does a screen shot say it all - but in this case you can in fact judge a book by that cover. Universally despised for its poor graphics and subpar gameplay, this one makes any critics shortlist. If you’re a fan of racing games - you’d be better served playing Pole Position on your 2600.
Pool Party: Umm, yeah - this one is almost as good as the Wii Play (which also stinks) mini-game version. I’m sorry, you want how much? I’m going to take a pass. This my friends is NO party.
Rapala Tournament Fishing: A truly regretable game - I mean fishing and Wii seems like a natural fit. Clearly, a rush to get this game out can be the the only excuse for this game’s shoddy controls and terrible graphics. Look for this one in bargain bins around the globe, then quiety back away. In a word, Crapala.
Acme Arsenal: You have to know that the Looney Tunes guys likely meant that a lot of parents shelled out cash for this one. (Do kids nowadays even know Bugs?) One would have hoped that this would have been a good game — one would have been sorely disapointed.
Far Cry Vengeance: If any of my selections are going to generate any contoversy and feedback, I suppose by default this is going to be it. Sadly, there was initially some excitement generated by pre-release hype about this game. However, this hype wass quickly and violently quashed when gamers actually got their hands on this crapfest. I’ll admit that this game amazingly does appear to have a handful of fans, but it is worth noting that Fary Cry Vengeance can boast of having one of the worst scores of any Wii game to date (well Anubis II is close). That fact alone says it all.
ALSO RANS: Game Party, Legend of the Dragon, Escape From Bug Island, Tamagotchi: Party On!, Wing Island, Bust-A-Move Bash, World Series of Poker: Tournament of Champions, Wii Play, cooking mama’s COOK OFF (you know the one - sadly they are making a sequel). Anyway … needless to say I could go on … but I think that is enough for today.
If I’ve saved just one person from making a mistake with this post then my work here is done. If nothing else, a good rule of thumb to take away form this is that if a title requires the use of ALL-CAPS on an exclamation point - it’s probably not for you. With a lot of great Wii titles under it’s belt, there where bound to be a few misses. Keep checking My Wii News for all the news, reviews and misques that are fit to print. Until next time, happy playing and may the good games be yours.
(Please let me know about any glaring omissions and I’ll happily add them. As well, I’m always looking for suggestions for future editions of ‘Canucklehead collections’ - hit me in the box below)
Canucklehead | June 20, 2008
